This post is a bit of a different one, but enjoy and take inspiration. Thank you for reading, as always.
I wonder what love is, more than anything else in the world. Have I ever felt it? Or was that simply an infatuation. They say you’ll just know when the right love comes along, but most of the time I think they just say that to make themselves feel better, assisting their beliefs in something more than real life, and placing hopes in their ability to love and be loved.
I once thought I was in ‘love’, though looking back, I feel as though It was either unrequited or we had very different interpretations of the word. It’s hard to be honest with yourself, when you’ve spent your whole life wondering and believing that life can be magical, and whimsical to have it all taken away and for a whole period of your life to become so suddenly insignificant. You learnt something from it, or maybe you didn’t or maybe you learnt that you’re not quite who you thought you were after all.
Waking up everyday, in the same numb position going about your day in the exact same way, is not something that ever really appealed to me nor had I ever participated in. I’d pride myself for a long time in the instability of my own life, and the way in which I tried to live spontaneously with sporadic decisions. For a while it worked to numb the pain of losing what I’d become so used to, but then it started to wear off and evolve into me feeling lost and limited.
I used to dream of driving with no destination, to a song that had so much meaning, looking next to me and seeing someone who meant so much, and to feel the wind in my lungs and waving my arms in the air, surrendering to a life that I’d achieved with so much anticipation, something I’d glorified so much in my own mind was to be grown up, to be an adult, making my own decisions and forgetting everything else that came along with it.
I’d always wanted to galvanize my life, take it by both hands and lead it into the unknown territory, which never really existed. The older I got, and the older I’m getting, it’s teaching me that life right now isn’t what I’d ever made it out in my head to be. But this can change, and it’s going to change the fuck up after I fall asleep and wake up tomorrow, and it’s a brand new day for re invention, creativity, stepping out of my comfort zone and making my dreams happen.
I don’t know about you, but this is going to be the start of everything. Be brand new.